Friday, March 4, 2016

Thursday, March 3, 2016

Saturday, February 27, 2016

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Thursday, December 18, 2014

mister mcgrumpigle’s revenge

Mister McGrumpigle was a happy man. Then, while on safari in Madagascar, his wife was eaten by lemurs.

“I will avenge you, Judith”, he was heard to remark at the time.

And he did. And that’s why lemurs are extinct, now.

Now is 2739, by the way.

The End.

Friday, December 13, 2013

Monday, December 2, 2013

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Monday, July 29, 2013

Friday, May 17, 2013

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Monday, March 25, 2013

Friday, January 11, 2013

Saturday, November 24, 2012

sons of the desert 1

My brother was hit by a moped three years ago. It ran right over his face and took his nose with it. He has a hole for a mouth and a tire track running from the left side of his forehead to the right side of his chin. And then there’s this:
Yesterday, I asked my brother if he’d ever seen Sons of the Desert, a Laurel and Hardy movie.
“No,” he said.  And then he paused.  “Wait, are you talking about me or Arnold Schwarzenegger?”
“You”, I said.
“Oh, okay.  No, I haven’t.”
“Have you seen any Laurel and Hardy movies?”
“I think so…wait, me or Arnold Schwarzenegger?”
And so on.
Every time I ask him a question about his personal history, his favorite ice cream flavor, his shoe size, anything, he always has to clarify whether I’m asking him or Arnold Schwarzenegger.  Which is not to say he thinks he IS Arnold Schwarzenegger.  He still signs his rent checks with his given name.  And he still introduces himself as Auggie to new acquaintances, as long as his name isn’t solicited.  If it is, well:
“And you are?”
“Me or Arnold Schwarzenegger?”
I’ve asked him numerous times if he was aware of his own peculiarity.  And in each instance, he’d ask me if I meant him or Arnold Schwarzenegger.
“I mean you,” I said, the first time we had this conversation, about a week after he returned from the hospital, “I always mean you when I ask a question about you.”
“So why do you have to ask if I’m talking to you or Arnold Schwarzenegger?  He’s not here.  He’s never been here, nor will he ever be here.  Neither of us know him, and no one we know knows him.  He’s a former movie star and the former governor of California.”
 “I know who he is, Bob.”
And he stormed out of the room.
We spoke again at breakfast the next morning.  I waited for him to sit down and pour milk into his bowl of Mini-Wheats.  Then I asked him to pass the carton.
“Me or Arnold Schwarzenegger?”
“Arnold Schwarzenegger,” I said.
“Yes” he said. 
I wasn’t sure how to respond to that.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Saturday, September 29, 2012

louis, don't!, continued

Here's a sample spread from my *nearly* complete book dummy, Louis, Don't!, which shows a typical interaction between Louis and myself (both in the book and in reality). Just a couple more pages, and it'll be publisher-bound!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Saturday, July 28, 2012