tuesdays with june 3

The following is a transcript of the third in a series of interviews with my cat, in which she reminisces about her pre-adoptive life. We call it "Tuesdays with June".

NEWMANPICTURESBLOG: ...ere again with June. Hello, June.

JUNE: Guten morgen.

NPB: I see we have a guest here, today.

JUNE: That's right. This is Fräulein Gerda.

NPB: Hello there.

JUNE: Gerda, shake.

NPB: Nice to...say, that's quite a grip.

FRÄULEIN GERDA: Glag.



NPB: Now, June, I've heard a rumor.

JUNE: ...

NPB: A little bird told me you've got a crush on someone...

JUNE: I'm not following.

NPB: I'm referring to a certain scruffy, male celebrity that starred in the television show Dawson's Creek...

JUNE: You'll have to be more specific.

NPB: Joshua Jackson.

JUNE: Are you referring to James Van Der Beek?

NPB: What? No, Joshua Jackson.

JUNE: Well, I wouldn't kick him off the windowsill. You can print that.



NPB: (laughs) So, last time we discussed your parents.

JUNE: Did we?

NPB: Briefly. And now, I'd like to ask you about your living situation as a kitten.

JUNE: That's fine.

NPB: ...

JUNE: ...

NPB: ...What was your living situation as a kitten?

JUNE: It was fine.

NPB: Really?

JUNE: Yes. I was a little thirsty, maybe.

NPB: But, uh, weren't you brought up in a house with two hundred other cats? That's what I was told by the Humane Society.

JUNE: Next question.

NPB: Those conditions couldn't have been ideal...

JUNE: Gerda!

NPB: Aack!



FRÄULEIN GERDA: Moo-ha-ha.

NPB: Ow, OWWW! June, tell her to let me go!

JUNE: You're in no position to make demands.

Join us next time for the first part of the "Tuesdays with Jeff" series, when I take pleasure in extracting sensitive information from my captor with the help of Fräulein Gerda.

tuesdays with june 2

The following is a transcript of the second in a series of interviews with my cat, in which she reminisces about her pre-adoptive life. We call it "Tuesdays with June".

NEWMANPICTURESBLOG: Okay, here we are, the second part of our interview...

JUNE: That's correct.

NPB: ...and we're going to discuss your parents. Your biological parents.

JUNE: Yes.



NPB: Now, what were they like?

JUNE: Brown.

NPB: Anything else?

JUNE: Yes...

NPB: Anything else that isn't also the description of characters from a classic novel?

JUNE: ...

NPB: ...

JUNE: (coughs)

NPB: ...

JUNE: ...Thank you for having me.



Join us next time for the third part of the "Tuesdays with June" series, when we discuss my cat's formative years, and she admits to a celebrity crush (spoiler alert: it's Joshua Jackson!).

tuesdays with june

The following is a transcript of the first in a series of interviews with my cat, in which she reminisces about her pre-adoptive life. We call it "Tuesdays with June".

NEWMANPICTURESBLOG: Okay...here we...all set? Yes, all set...June.

JUNE: Yes.

NPB: June, how are you tonight?

JUNE: I'm fine.

NPB: Maybe you can tell the people where you are right now?

JUNE: In my apartment.

NPB: (laughs) But where, specifically?

JUNE: In the bathroom sink.



NPB: And why are you in the bathroom sink?

JUNE: I think the question is, why are you not in the bathroom sink?

NPB: (laughs) Okay...so, your life...We've been living together for, what, almost two years, now?

JUNE: Yes.

NPB: And life's pretty good, huh?

JUNE: I'm fine. A little thirsty, maybe.

NPB: Oh. Well, here, just...let me turn on the faucet. Just...can you just shift over a little bit?

JUNE: Don't touch me.



NPB: Sorry, sorry...there...okay, there.

(lapping noises)

NPB: How's that? Better?

JUNE: I'm fine. A little tired, maybe.

At this point, June requested we move the interview to a pile of dirty clothes in the closet.

NPB: All settled in?

JUNE: Yes.

NPB: Great. Um, maybe we should start with where you were born?

JUNE: Maycomb was an old town, but it was a tired old town when I first knew it. In rainy weather the streets turned to red slop; grass grew on the sidewalks, the courthouse sagged in the square. Somehow, it was hotter then...

NPB: I-I'm sorry. Um...I don't want to interrupt, but...

JUNE: It's fine.

NPB: Isn't that, uh, from To Kill a Mockingbird?

JUNE: I don't believe so, no.



NPB: Oh, okay...but I thought, maybe...

JUNE: This interview is over.

Join us next time for the second part of the "Tuesdays with June" series, when we discuss my cat's biological family, and she shares her recipe for fish tarts.