Wednesday, May 23, 2007

one wish

With my birthday less than a month away, you're probably racking your brain trying to figure out what to get me. After all, I already have a lovely wife-to-be, a roof over my head, and some shirts. What else do I need?

How about laser eye beams to disintegrate my enemies? It's just a thought.

You see, I've been asking for laser eye beams since I was six. Although my mother assured me that she'd "work on it" for my seventh birthday, I did not receive them. It was because of her negligence that I was unable to vaporize Chris Doyle when he took off with one of my Gobots during a botched toy exchange a few months later. On my eighth birthday, I was denied laser eye beams, again. Shortly thereafter, I participated in a four-legged race at my elementary school. Had I been capable of shooting white hot fire from my cornias, I could have burned a trench in the soccer field, over which my opponents would have stumbled, and ensured myself a first place finish. Instead, I came in second place, and Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait, precipitating the Persian Gulf War.

I am now on the verge of turning thirty-one years old. My dearth of laser eye beams has seriously hampered my attempts at incinerating all who oppose me. I do not possess the power to turn flesh into ash, ergo, I do not yet rule the Earth from a mountain of skulls, as is my right and priveledge. And I'm not getting any younger.

So, on June fifteenth, if someone were to, I don't know, buy me laser eye beams or something, I may decide to spare his life when I bring the Age of Man to its knees.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I was bidding on a pair on ebay but then I saw that all the instrustions are in Japanese and I would hate for you to have installed them and then be all set to fry the guy in front of you at the movie theatre talking on his cell and then have them blast out the back of your head and vaporize the guy sitting behind you because they were installed backwards... How about a GoBot instead. I think I still have CyKill floating around somewhere... Anyways happy birthday